Category: politicians (and flatulence)

In my house, we have an unwritten rule.  Well, it is sort of a guideline actually.  OK, it is a just a habit...a lazy one.  Passing gas is a cherished event.  I was not raised to do it in front of others, but somehow it became my habit to do so.  My wife allowed me to get away with it and she eventually followed suit.  It was destiny for the kids to toe the line.  Whatever.  The fact is that flatulence constantly reminds me of politicians.

I don't mean to imply that Hillary Clinton and Rand Paul make a habit of floating stink biscuits in public.  No, I mean the response to it.  See, every time I let one loose, the wife makes a big stink about it (heh).  Yeah, she carries on as if I just lit the bed on fire.  And when she or one of my kids makes a foul gaseous emanation, I similarly claim nasal distress.  At first, such responses were sincere.  But these days I find myself claiming olfactory offense whether there is a foul aroma about the place or not.  I just can't pass up the opportunity to complain.  And neither can the rest of them.  The family complains when I do it too, and we all get a good laugh no matter who slices the aromatic cheese.  But the feigning of offense is the important feature here.  Politicians never pass up a chance to hold their nose and point their finger.  To be sure, they pretty much all stink like a refuse pile.  But they do not wait until an opponent lets one rip.  They declare stench alerts even when they know it was just some poor soul's torn pants making the sound.

This is why you get Chinese politicians claiming major indignation time after time when some world event shines a light on how poor their human rights record is (like when a jailed political dissident is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize) or the Iranian leaders blaming the West for every internal problem they face.  They get an opportunity to rally the troops to their cause whether they give a fart about the issue or not.  Even domestically it is the reason why politicians can't resist an opportunity to stick each other with a steaming poker every time one of them slips up over the tiniest thing,  Outrage is a hot commodity in Washington.  Having it on your side gets media coverage to your moral high ground.  And it does not cost you a shred of political capital to engage in it. It's no wonder I had such a wealth of colorful adjectives to distribute throughout this entry.  They all just seem to describe flatulence and politicians at once.

They all stink.  They are all constantly pointing and fanning the air at each others' wind. Perhaps the rest of us should take a page from my 4 year-old and laugh long and loud at their absurdity.